initial commie bastard

README.md

@@ -1,2 +1,3 @@
 # otouto
-The popular Telegram assistant bot, now on the bot API.
+A plugin-wielding Telegram bot using the new API.
+The latest version runs on @mokubot. v1 runs on @otouto.

bindings.lua

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+-- bindings.lua
+-- Functions for the Telegram API.
+-- Requires ssl.https ('HTTPS'), socket.url ('URL'), and a json decoder ('JSON').
+-- Also requires config.BOT_API_KEY.
+
+local BASE_URL = 'https://api.telegram.org/bot' .. config.BOT_API_KEY .. '/'
+
+local function send_request(url)
+
+	local dat, res = HTTPS.request(url)
+	local tab = JSON.decode(dat)
+
+	if res ~= 200 then
+		print('Connection error.')
+		return false
+	end
+
+	if not tab.ok then
+		print(tab.description)
+		return false
+	end
+
+	return tab
+
+end
+
+function get_me()
+
+	local url = BASE_URL .. 'getMe'
+	return send_request(url)
+
+end
+
+function get_updates(offset)
+
+	local url = BASE_URL .. 'getUpdates'
+
+	if offset then
+		url = url .. '?offset=' .. offset
+	end
+
+	return send_request(url)
+
+end
+
+function send_message(chat_id, text, disable_web_page_preview, reply_to_message_id)
+
+	local url = BASE_URL .. 'sendMessage?chat_id=' .. chat_id .. '&text=' .. URL.escape(text)
+
+	if disable_web_page_preview == true then
+		url = url .. '&disable_web_page_preview=true'
+	end
+
+	if reply_to_message_id then
+		url = url .. '&reply_to_message_id=' .. reply_to_message_id
+	end
+
+	return send_request(url)
+
+end
+
+function send_chat_action(chat_id, action)
+
+	local url = BASE_URL .. 'sendChatAction?chat_id=' .. chat_id .. '&action=' .. action
+	return send_request(url)
+
+end
+
+function send_location(chat_id, latitude, longitude, reply_to_message_id)
+
+	local url = BASE_URL .. 'sendLocation?chat_id=' .. chat_id .. '&latitude=' .. latitude .. '&longitude=' .. longitude
+
+	if reply_to_message_id then
+		url = url .. '&reply_to_message_id=' .. reply_to_message_id
+	end
+
+	return send_request(url)
+
+end

bot.lua

@@ -0,0 +1,99 @@
+-- bot.lua
+-- Run this!
+
+HTTP = require('socket.http')
+HTTPS = require('ssl.https')
+JSON = require('dkjson')
+URL = require('socket.url')
+
+VERSION = 2.01
+
+function on_msg_receive(msg)
+
+	if msg.date < os.time() -5 then return end -- don't react to old messages
+	if not msg.text then return end -- don't react to media messages
+	if msg.forward_from then return end -- don't react to forwarded messages
+
+	local lower = string.lower(msg.text)
+	for i,v in pairs(plugins) do
+		for j,w in pairs(v.triggers) do
+			if string.match(lower, w) then
+				send_chat_action(msg.chat.id, 'typing')
+				v.action(msg)
+			end
+		end
+	end
+end
+
+function bot_init()
+
+	print('\nLoading configuration...')
+
+	local jstr = io.open('config.json')
+	local jstr = jstr:read('*all')
+	config = JSON.decode(jstr)
+	print(#config.plugins .. ' plugins enabled.')
+
+	require('bindings')
+	require('utilities')
+
+	print('\nFetching bot information...')
+
+	bot = get_me().result
+	for k,v in pairs(bot) do
+		print('',k,v)
+	end
+
+	print('Bot information retrieved!\n')
+	print('Loading plugins...')
+
+	plugins = {}
+	for i,v in ipairs(config.plugins) do
+		print('',v)
+		local p = loadfile('plugins/'..v)()
+		table.insert(plugins, p)
+	end
+
+	print('Done! Plugins loaded: ' .. #plugins .. '\n')
+	print('Generating help message...')
+
+	help_message = 'Available commands:\n'
+	for i,v in ipairs(plugins) do
+		if v.doc then
+			local a = string.sub(v.doc, 1, string.find(v.doc, '\n')-1)
+			print(a)
+			help_message = help_message .. ' - ' .. a .. '\n'
+		end
+	end
+	help_message = help_message .. [[
+		*Arguments: <required> [optional]
+		Use "!help <command>" for specific information.
+		otouto v]] .. VERSION .. [[ by @topkecleon.
+	]]
+
+	print('Help message generated!\n')
+
+	is_started = true
+
+end
+
+bot_init()
+reminders = {}
+last_update = 0
+while is_started == true do
+
+	for i,v in ipairs(get_updates(last_update).result) do
+		if v.update_id > last_update then
+			last_update = v.update_id
+			on_msg_receive(v.message)
+		end
+	end
+
+	for k,v in pairs(reminders) do
+		if os.time() > v.alarm then
+			send_message(v.chat_id, 'Reminder: '..v.text)
+			table.remove(reminders, i)
+		end
+	end
+
+end

config.json

@@ -0,0 +1,40 @@
+{
+ "BOT_API_KEY": "",
+ "ADMIN_ID": 0,
+ "BIBLIA_API_KEY": "",
+ "GIPHY_API_KEY": "",
+ "TIME_OFFSET": 0,
+ "plugins": [
+  "8ball.lua",
+  "admin.lua",
+  "bandersnatch.lua",
+  "bible.lua",
+  "btc.lua",
+  "calc.lua",
+  "commit.lua",
+  "dice.lua",
+  "dogify.lua",
+  "echo.lua",
+  "fortune.lua",
+  "gImages.lua",
+  "giphy.lua",
+  "gMaps.lua",
+  "gSearch.lua",
+  "hackernews.lua",
+  "help.lua",
+  "hex.lua",
+  "imdb.lua",
+  "personality.lua",
+  "pokedex.lua",
+  "reddit.lua",
+  "remind.lua",
+  "shrug.lua",
+  "slap.lua",
+  "time.lua",
+  "urbandictionary.lua",
+  "weather.lua",
+  "whoami.lua",
+  "xkcd.lua"
+ ]
+}
+

plugin.lua

@@ -0,0 +1,20 @@
+local PLUGIN = {}
+
+PLUGIN.doc = [[
+	!example
+	Info about the command.
+]]
+
+PLUGIN.triggers = {
+	'^!example',
+	'^!e$'
+}
+
+function PLUGIN.action(msg)
+
+	local message = 'Example output.'
+	send_msg(msg, message)
+
+end
+
+return PLUGIN

plugins/8ball.lua

@@ -0,0 +1,54 @@
+local PLUGIN = {}
+
+PLUGIN.doc = [[
+	!8ball
+	Magic 8-ball. Returns a standard 8ball message, unless called with "y/n", where it will return a less verbose answer.
+]]
+
+PLUGIN.triggers = {
+	'^!helix',
+	'^!8ball',
+	'y/n%p?$'
+}
+
+PLUGIN.answers = {
+	"It is certain.",
+	"It is decidedly so.",
+	"Without a doubt.",
+	"Yes, definitely.",
+	"You may rely on it.",
+	"As I see it, yes.",
+	"Most likely.",
+	"Outlook: good.",
+	"Yes.",
+	"Signs point to yes.",
+	"Reply hazy try again.",
+	"Ask again later.",
+	"Better not tell you now.",
+	"Cannot predict now.",
+	"Concentrate and ask again.",
+	"Don't count on it.",
+	"My reply is no.",
+	"My sources say no.",
+	"Outlook: not so good.",
+	"Very doubtful.",
+	"There is a time and place for everything, but not now."
+}
+
+PLUGIN.yesno = {'Absolutely.', 'In your dreams.', 'Yes.', 'No.', 'Maybe.'}
+
+function PLUGIN.action(msg)
+
+	math.randomseed(os.time())
+
+	if string.match(string.lower(msg.text), 'y/n') then
+		message = PLUGIN.yesno[math.random(#PLUGIN.yesno)]
+	else
+		message = PLUGIN.answers[math.random(#PLUGIN.answers)]
+	end
+
+  send_msg(msg, message)
+
+end
+
+return PLUGIN

plugins/admin.lua

@@ -0,0 +1,39 @@
+local PLUGIN = {}
+
+PLUGIN.triggers = {
+	'^!admin '
+}
+
+function PLUGIN.action(msg)
+
+	local input = get_input(msg.text)
+
+	local message = 'Command not found.'
+
+	if msg.from.id ~= config.ADMIN_ID then
+		message = 'Permission denied.'
+
+	elseif string.lower(first_word(input)) == 'run' then
+
+		local output = string.sub(input, 5)
+		local output = io.popen(output)
+		message = output:read('*all')
+		output:close()
+
+	elseif string.lower(first_word(input)) == 'reload' then
+
+		bot_init()
+		message = 'Bot reloaded!'
+
+	elseif string.lower(first_word(input)) == 'halt' then
+
+		is_started = false
+		message = 'Shutting down...'
+
+	end
+
+	send_msg(msg, message)
+
+end
+
+return PLUGIN

plugins/bandersnatch.lua

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+local PLUGIN = {}
+
+PLUGIN.doc = [[
+	!bandersnatch
+	This is a Benedict Cumberbatch name generator.
+]]
+
+PLUGIN.triggers = {
+	'^!bandersnatch',
+	'^!bc$'
+}
+
+PLUGIN.fullnames = { "Wimbledon Tennismatch", "Rinkydink Curdlesnoot", "Butawhiteboy Cantbekhan", "Benadryl Claritin", "Bombadil Rivendell", "Wanda's Crotchfruit", "Biblical Concubine", "Syphilis Cankersore", "Buckminster Fullerene", "Bourgeoisie Capitalist" }
+
+PLUGIN.firstnames = { "Bumblebee", "Bandersnatch", "Broccoli", "Rinkydink", "Bombadil", "Boilerdang", "Bandicoot", "Fragglerock", "Muffintop", "Congleton", "Blubberdick", "Buffalo", "Benadryl", "Butterfree", "Burberry", "Whippersnatch", "Buttermilk", "Beezlebub", "Budapest", "Boilerdang", "Blubberwhale", "Bumberstump", "Bulbasaur", "Cogglesnatch", "Liverswort", "Bodybuild", "Johnnycash", "Bendydick", "Burgerking", "Bonaparte", "Bunsenburner", "Billiardball", "Bukkake", "Baseballmitt", "Blubberbutt", "Baseballbat", "Rumblesack", "Barister", "Danglerack", "Rinkydink", "Bombadil", "Honkytonk", "Billyray", "Bumbleshack", "Snorkeldink", "Anglerfish", "Beetlejuice", "Bedlington", "Bandicoot", "Boobytrap", "Blenderdick", "Bentobox", "Anallube", "Pallettown", "Wimbledon", "Buttercup", "Blasphemy", "Snorkeldink", "Brandenburg", "Barbituate", "Snozzlebert", "Tiddleywomp", "Bouillabaisse", "Wellington", "Benetton", "Bendandsnap", "Timothy", "Brewery", "Bentobox", "Brandybuck", "Benjamin", "Buckminster", "Bourgeoisie", "Bakery", "Oscarbait", "Buckyball", "Bourgeoisie", "Burlington", "Buckingham", "Barnoldswick" }
+
+PLUGIN.lastnames = { "Coddleswort", "Crumplesack", "Curdlesnoot", "Calldispatch", "Humperdinck", "Rivendell", "Cuttlefish", "Lingerie", "Vegemite", "Ampersand", "Cumberbund", "Candycrush", "Clombyclomp", "Cragglethatch", "Nottinghill", "Cabbagepatch", "Camouflage","Creamsicle", "Curdlemilk", "Upperclass", "Frumblesnatch", "Crumplehorn", "Talisman", "Candlestick", "Chesterfield", "Bumbersplat", "Scratchnsniff", "Snugglesnatch", "Charizard", "Carrotstick", "Cumbercooch", "Crackerjack", "Crucifix", "Cuckatoo", "Cockletit", "Collywog", "Capncrunch", "Covergirl", "Cumbersnatch", "Countryside","Coggleswort", "Splishnsplash", "Copperwire", "Animorph", "Curdledmilk", "Cheddarcheese", "Cottagecheese", "Crumplehorn", "Snickersbar", "Banglesnatch", "Stinkyrash", "Cameltoe", "Chickenbroth", "Concubine", "Candygram", "Moldyspore", "Chuckecheese", "Cankersore", "Crimpysnitch", "Wafflesmack", "Chowderpants", "Toodlesnoot", "Clavichord", "Cuckooclock", "Oxfordshire", "Cumbersome", "Chickenstrips", "Battleship", "Commonwealth", "Cunningsnatch", "Custardbath", "Kryptonite", "Curdlesnoot", "Cummerbund", "Coochyrash", "Crackerdong", "Crackerdong", "Curdledong", "Crackersprout", "Crumplebutt", "Colonist", "Coochierash", "Thundersnatch" }
+
+function PLUGIN.action(msg)
+
+	math.randomseed(os.time())
+
+	local message = ''
+	if math.random(10) == 10 then
+		message = PLUGIN.fullnames[math.random(#PLUGIN.fullnames)]
+	else
+		message = PLUGIN.firstnames[math.random(#PLUGIN.firstnames)] .. ' ' .. PLUGIN.lastnames[math.random(#PLUGIN.lastnames)]
+	end
+
+	send_msg(msg, message)
+end
+
+return PLUGIN

plugins/bible.lua

@@ -0,0 +1,32 @@
+local PLUGIN = {}
+
+PLUGIN.doc = [[
+	!bible <verse>
+	Returns a verse from the bible, King James Version. Use a standard or abbreviated reference (John 3:16, Jn3:16).
+	http://biblia.com
+]]
+
+PLUGIN.triggers = {
+	'^!bible',
+	'^!b '
+}
+
+function PLUGIN.action(msg)
+
+	local input = get_input(msg.text)
+	if not input then
+		return send_msg(msg, PLUGIN.doc)
+	end
+
+	local url = 'http://api.biblia.com/v1/bible/content/KJV.txt?key=' .. config.BIBLIA_API_KEY .. '&passage=' .. URL.escape(input)
+	local message, res = HTTP.request(url)
+
+	if res ~= 200 then
+		message = 'Connection error.'
+	end
+
+	send_msg(msg, message)
+
+end
+
+return PLUGIN

plugins/btc.lua

@@ -0,0 +1,55 @@
+local PLUGIN = {}
+
+PLUGIN.doc = [[
+	!btc <currency> [amount]
+	Gives bitcoin prices for the given currency, and optionally conversion of an amount to and from that currency.
+	BitcoinAverage Price Index https://bitcoinaverage.com/
+]]
+
+PLUGIN.triggers = {
+	'^!btc'
+}
+
+function PLUGIN.action(msg)
+
+	local url = nil
+	local arg1 = 'USD'
+	local arg2 = 1
+
+	local jstr, res = HTTPS.request('https://api.bitcoinaverage.com/ticker/global/')
+
+	if res ~= 200 then
+		return send_msg(msg, 'Connection error.')
+	end
+
+	local jdat = JSON.decode(jstr)
+
+	if string.len(msg.text) > 6 then
+		arg1 = string.upper(string.sub(msg.text, 6, 8))
+	end
+	if string.len(msg.text) > 9 then
+		arg2 = tonumber(string.sub(msg.text, 10))
+	end
+
+	for k,v in pairs(jdat) do
+		if k == arg1 then
+			url = v .. '/'
+			break
+		end
+	end
+
+	if url then
+		jstr, b = HTTPS.request(url)
+	else
+		return send_msg(msg, 'Error: Currency not found.')
+	end
+
+	jdat = JSON.decode(jstr)
+	local m = arg2 .. ' BTC = ' .. jdat['24h_avg']*arg2 ..' '.. arg1 .. '\n'
+	m = m .. arg2 ..' '.. arg1 .. ' = ' .. string.format("%.8f", arg2/jdat['24h_avg']) .. ' BTC'
+
+	send_msg(msg, m)
+
+end
+
+return PLUGIN

plugins/calc.lua

@@ -0,0 +1,30 @@
+local PLUGIN = {}
+
+PLUGIN.doc = [[
+	!calc <expression>
+	This command solves math expressions and does conversion between common units. See mathjs.org/docs/expressions/syntax for a list of accepted syntax.
+]]
+
+PLUGIN.triggers = {
+	'^!calc'
+}
+
+function PLUGIN.action(msg)
+
+	local input = get_input(msg.text)
+	if not input then
+		return send_msg(msg, PLUGIN.doc)
+	end
+
+	local url = 'http://api.mathjs.org/v1/?expr=' .. URL.escape(input)
+	local message, res = HTTP.request(url)
+
+	if res ~= 200 then
+		return send_msg(msg, 'Connection error.')
+	end
+
+	send_msg(msg, message)
+end
+
+return PLUGIN
+

plugins/commit.lua

@@ -0,0 +1,420 @@
+local PLUGIN = {}
+
+PLUGIN.doc = [[
+	!commit
+	http://whatthecommit.com.
+]]
+
+PLUGIN.triggers = {
+	'^!commit'
+}
+
+function PLUGIN.action(msg)
+	math.randomseed(os.time())
+	send_msg(msg, PLUGIN.commits[math.random(#PLUGIN.commits)])
+end
+
+PLUGIN.commits = {
+	"One does not simply merge into master",
+	"Merging the merge",
+	"Another bug bites the dust",
+	"de-misunderestimating",
+	"Some shit.",
+	"add actual words",
+	"I CAN HAZ COMMENTZ.",
+	"giggle.",
+	"Whatever.",
+	"Finished fondling.",
+	"FONDLED THE CODE",
+	"this is how we generate our shit.",
+	"unh",
+	"It works!",
+	"unionfind is no longer being molested.",
+	"Well, it's doing something.",
+	"I'M PUSHING.",
+	"Whee.",
+	"Whee, good night.",
+	"It'd be nice if type errors caused the compiler to issue a type error",
+	"Fucking templates.",
+	"I hate this fucking language.",
+	"marks",
+	"that coulda been bad",
+	"hoo boy",
+	"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times",
+	"Fucking egotistical bastard. adds expandtab to vimrc",
+	"if you're not using et, fuck off",
+	"WHO THE FUCK CAME UP WITH MAKE?",
+	"This is a basic implementation that works.",
+	"By works, I meant 'doesnt work'.  Works now..",
+	"Last time I said it works? I was kidding.  Try this.",
+	"Just stop reading these for a while, ok..",
+	"Give me a break, it's 2am.  But it works now.",
+	"Make that it works in 90% of the cases.  3:30.",
+	"Ok, 5am, it works.  For real.",
+	"FOR REAL.",
+	"I don't know what these changes are supposed to accomplish but somebody told me to make them.",
+	"I don't get paid enough for this shit.",
+	"fix some fucking errors",
+	"first blush",
+	"So my boss wanted this button ...",
+	"uhhhhhh",
+	"forgot we're not using a smart language",
+	"include shit",
+	"To those I leave behind, good luck!",
+	"things occurred",
+	"i dunno, maybe this works",
+	"8==========D",
+	"No changes made",
+	"whooooooooooooooooooooooooooo",
+	"clarify further the brokenness of C++. why the fuck are we using C++?",
+	".",
+	"Friday 5pm",
+	"changes",
+	"A fix I believe, not like I tested or anything",
+	"Useful text",
+	"pgsql is being a pain",
+	"pgsql is more strict, increase the hackiness up to 11",
+	"c&p fail",
+	"syntax",
+	"fix",
+	"just shoot me",
+	"arrrggghhhhh fixed!",
+	"someone fails and it isn't me",
+	"totally more readable",
+	"better grepping",
+	"fix",
+	"fix bug, for realz",
+	"fix /sigh",
+	"Does this work",
+	"MOAR BIFURCATION",
+	"bifurcation",
+	"REALLY FUCKING FIXED",
+	"FIX",
+	"better ignores",
+	"More ignore",
+	"more ignores",
+	"more ignores",
+	"more ignores",
+	"more ignores",
+	"more ignores",
+	"more ignored words",
+	"more fixes",
+	"really ignore ignored worsd",
+	"fixes",
+	"/sigh",
+	"fix",
+	"fail",
+	"pointless limitation",
+	"omg what have I done?",
+	"added super-widget 2.0.",
+	"tagging release w.t.f.",
+	"I can't believe it took so long to fix this.",
+	"I must have been drunk.",
+	"This is why the cat shouldn't sit on my keyboard.",
+	"This is why git rebase is a horrible horrible thing.",
+	"ajax-loader hotness, oh yeah",
+	"small is a real HTML tag, who knew.",
+	"WTF is this.",
+	"Do things better, faster, stronger",
+	"Use a real JS construct, WTF knows why this works in chromium.",
+	"Added a banner to the default admin page. Please have mercy on me =(",
+	"needs more cow bell",
+	"Switched off unit test X because the build had to go out now and there was no time to fix it properly.",
+	"Updated",
+	"I must sleep... it's working... in just three hours...",
+	"I was wrong...",
+	"Completed with no bugs...",
+	"Fixed a little bug...",
+	"Fixed a bug in NoteLineCount... not seriously...",
+	"woa!! this one was really HARD!",
+	"Made it to compile...",
+	"changed things...",
+	"touched...",
+	"i think i fixed a bug...",
+	"perfect...",
+	"Moved something to somewhere... goodnight...",
+	"oops, forgot to add the file",
+	"Corrected mistakes",
+	"oops",
+	"oops!",
+	"put code that worked where the code that didn't used to be",
+	"Nothing to see here, move along",
+	"I am even stupider than I thought",
+	"I don't know what the hell I was thinking.",
+	"fixed errors in the previous commit",
+	"Committed some changes",
+	"Some bugs fixed",
+	"Minor updates",
+	"Added missing file in previous commit",
+	"bug fix",
+	"typo",
+	"bara bra grejjor",
+	"Continued development...",
+	"Does anyone read this? I'll be at the coffee shop accross the street.",
+	"That's just how I roll",
+	"work in progress",
+	"minor changes",
+	"some brief changes",
+	"assorted changes",
+	"lots and lots of changes",
+	"another big bag of changes",
+	"lots of changes after a lot of time",
+	"LOTS of changes. period",
+	"Test commit. Please ignore",
+	"I'm just a grunt. Don't blame me for this awful PoS.",
+	"I did it for the lulz!",
+	"I'll explain this when I'm sober .. or revert it",
+	"Obligatory placeholder commit message",
+	"A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away...",
+	"Fixed the build.",
+	"various changes",
+	"One more time, but with feeling.",
+	"Handled a particular error.",
+	"Fixed unnecessary bug.",
+	"Removed code.",
+	"Added translation.",
+	"Updated build targets.",
+	"Refactored configuration.",
+	"Locating the required gigapixels to render...",
+	"Spinning up the hamster...",
+	"Shovelling coal into the server...",
+	"Programming the flux capacitor",
+	"The last time I tried this the monkey didn't survive. Let's hope it works better this time.",
+	"I should have had a V8 this morning.",
+	"640K ought to be enough for anybody",
+	"pay no attention to the man behind the curtain",
+	"a few bits tried to escape, but we caught them",
+	"Who has two thumbs and remembers the rudiments of his linear algebra courses?  Apparently, this guy.",
+	"workaround for ant being a pile of fail",
+	"Don't push this commit",
+	"rats",
+	"squash me",
+	"fixed mistaken bug",
+	"Final commit, ready for tagging",
+	"-m \'So I hear you like commits ...\'",
+	"epic",
+	"need another beer",
+	"Well the book was obviously wrong.",
+	"lolwhat?",
+	"Another commit to keep my CAN streak going.",
+	"I cannot believe that it took this long to write a test for this.",
+	"TDD: 1, Me: 0",
+	"Yes, I was being sarcastic.",
+	"Apparently works-for-me is a crappy excuse.",
+	"tl;dr",
+	"I would rather be playing SC2.",
+	"Crap. Tonight is raid night and I am already late.",
+	"I know what I am doing. Trust me.",
+	"You should have trusted me.",
+	"Is there an award for this?",
+	"Is there an achievement for this?",
+	"I'm totally adding this to epic win. +300",
+	"This really should not take 19 minutes to build.",
+	"fixed the israeli-palestinian conflict",
+	"SHIT ===> GOLD",
+	"Committing in accordance with the prophecy.",
+	"It compiles! Ship it!",
+	"LOL!",
+	"Reticulating splines...",
+	"SEXY RUSSIAN CODES WAITING FOR YOU TO CALL",
+	"s/import/include/",
+	"extra debug for stuff module",
+	"debug line test",
+	"debugo",
+	"remove debug<br/>all good",
+	"debug suff",
+	"more debug... who overwrote!",
+	"these confounded tests drive me nuts",
+	"For great justice.",
+	"QuickFix.",
+	"oops - thought I got that one.",
+	"removed echo and die statements, lolz.",
+	"somebody keeps erasing my changes.",
+	"doh.",
+	"pam anderson is going to love me.",
+	"added security.",
+	"arrgghh... damn this thing for not working.",
+	"jobs... steve jobs",
+	"and a comma",
+	"this is my quickfix branch and i will use to do my quickfixes",
+	"Fix my stupidness",
+	"and so the crazy refactoring process sees the sunlight after some months in the dark!",
+	"gave up and used tables.",
+	"[Insert your commit message here. Be sure to make it descriptive.]",
+	"Removed test case since code didn't pass QA",
+	"removed tests since i can't make them green",
+	"stuff",
+	"more stuff",
+	"Become a programmer, they said. It'll be fun, they said.",
+	"Same as last commit with changes",
+	"foo",
+	"just checking if git is working properly...",
+	"fixed some minor stuff, might need some additional work.",
+	"just trolling the repo",
+	"All your codebase are belong to us.",
+	"Somebody set up us the bomb.",
+	"should work I guess...",
+	"To be honest, I do not quite remember everything I changed here today. But it is all good, I tell ya.",
+	"well crap.",
+	"herpderp (redux)",
+	"herpderp",
+	"Derp",
+	"derpherp",
+	"Herping the derp",
+	"sometimes you just herp the derp so hard it herpderps",
+	"Derp. Fix missing constant post rename",
+	"Herping the fucking derp right here and now.",
+	"Derp, asset redirection in dev mode",
+	"mergederp",
+	"Derp search/replace fuckup",
+	"Herpy dooves.",
+	"Derpy hooves",
+	"derp, helper method rename",
+	"Herping the derp derp (silly scoping error)",
+	"Herp derp I left the debug in there and forgot to reset errors.",
+	"Reset error count between rows. herpderp",
+	"hey, what's that over there?!",
+	"hey, look over there!",
+	"It worked for me...",
+	"Does not work.",
+	"Either Hot Shit or Total Bollocks",
+	"Arrrrgggg",
+	"Don’t mess with Voodoo",
+	"I expected something different.",
+	"Todo!!!",
+	"This is supposed to crash",
+	"No changes after this point.",
+	"I know, I know, this is not how I’m supposed to do it, but I can't think of something better.",
+	"Don’t even try to refactor it.",
+	"(c) Microsoft 1988",
+	"Please no changes this time.",
+	"Why The Fuck?",
+	"We should delete this crap before shipping.",
+	"Shit code!",
+	"ALL SORTS OF THINGS",
+	"Herpderp, shoulda check if it does really compile.",
+	"I CAN HAZ PYTHON, I CAN HAZ INDENTS",
+	"Major fixup.",
+	"less french words",
+	"breathe, =, breathe",
+	"IEize",
+	"this doesn't really make things faster, but I tried",
+	"this should fix it",
+	"forgot to save that file",
+	"Glue. Match sticks. Paper. Build script!",
+	"Argh! About to give up :(",
+	"Blaming regex.",
+	"oops",
+	"it's friday",
+	"yo recipes",
+	"Not sure why",
+	"lol digg",
+	"grrrr",
+	"For real, this time.",
+	"Feed. You. Stuff. No time.",
+	"I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation",
+	"DEAL WITH IT",
+	"commit",
+	"tunning",
+	"I really should've committed this when I finished it...",
+	"It's getting hard to keep up with the crap I've trashed",
+	"I honestly wish I could remember what was going on here...",
+	"I must enjoy torturing myself",
+	"For the sake of my sanity, just ignore this...",
+	"That last commit message about silly mistakes pales in comparision to this one",
+	"My bad",
+	"Still can't get this right...",
+	"Nitpicking about alphabetizing methods, minor OCD thing",
+	"Committing fixes in the dark, seriously, who killed my power!?",
+	"You can't see it, but I'm making a very angry face right now",
+	"Fix the fixes",
+	"It's secret!",
+	"Commit committed....",
+	"No time to commit.. My people need me!",
+	"Something fixed",
+	"I'm hungry",
+	"asdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdfadsf",
+	"hmmm",
+	"formatted all",
+	"Replace all whitespaces with tabs.",
+	"s/    /  /g",
+	"I'm too foo for this bar",
+	"Things went wrong...",
+	"??! what the ...",
+	"This solves it.",
+	"Working on tests (haha)",
+	"fixed conflicts (LOL merge -s ours; push -f)",
+	"last minute fixes.",
+	"fuckup.",
+	"Revert \"fuckup\".",
+	"should work now.",
+	"final commit.",
+	"done. going to bed now.",
+	"buenas those-things.",
+	"Your commit is writing checks your merge can't cash.",
+	"This branch is so dirty, even your mom can't clean it.",
+	"wip",
+	"Revert \"just testing, remember to revert\"",
+	"bla",
+	"harharhar",
+	"restored deleted entities just to be sure",
+	"added some filthy stuff",
+	"bugger",
+	"lol",
+	"oopsie B|",
+	"Copy pasta fail. still had a instead of a",
+	"Now added delete for real",
+	"grmbl",
+	"move your body every every body",
+	"Trying to fake a conflict",
+	"And a commit that I don't know the reason of...",
+	"ffs",
+	"that's all folks",
+	"Fucking submodule bull shit",
+	"apparently i did something…",
+	"bump to 0.0.3-dev:wq",
+	"pep8 - cause I fell like doing a barrel roll",
+	"pep8 fixer",
+	"it is hump day _^_",
+	"happy monday _ bleh _",
+	"after of this commit remember do a git reset hard",
+	"someday I gonna kill someone for this shit...",
+	"magic, have no clue but it works",
+	"I am sorry",
+	"dirty hack, have a better idea ?",
+	"Code was clean until manager requested to fuck it up",
+	" - Temporary commit.",
+	":(:(",
+	"...",
+	"GIT :/",
+	"stopped caring 10 commits ago",
+	"Testing in progress ;)",
+	"Fixed Bug",
+	"Fixed errors",
+	"Push poorly written test can down the road another ten years",
+	"commented out failing tests",
+	"I'm human",
+	"TODO: write meaningful commit message",
+	"Pig",
+	"SOAP is a piece of shit",
+	"did everything",
+	"project lead is allergic to changes...",
+	"making this thing actually usable.",
+	"I was told to leave it alone, but I have this thing called OCD, you see",
+	"Whatever will be, will be 8{",
+	"It's 2015; why are we using ColdFusion?!",
+	"#GrammarNazi",
+	"Future self, please forgive me and don't hit me with the baseball bat again!",
+	"Hide those navs, boi!",
+	"Who knows...",
+	"Who knows WTF?!",
+	"I should get a raise for this.",
+	"Done, to whoever merges this, good luck.",
+	"Not one conflict, today was a good day.",
+	"First Blood",
+	"Fixed the fuck out of #526!",
+	"I'm too old for this shit!",
+	"One little whitespace gets its very own commit! Oh, life is so erratic!"
+}
+
+return PLUGIN

plugins/dice.lua

@@ -0,0 +1,71 @@
+local PLUGIN = {}
+
+PLUGIN.doc = [[
+	!roll [range]
+	Roll a die. Use any positive number for range or use D&D notation.
+	Example: !roll 4D100 will roll a 100-sided die four times.
+]]
+
+PLUGIN.triggers = {
+	'^!roll'
+}
+
+function PLUGIN.action(msg)
+
+	math.randomseed(os.time())
+
+	local input = get_input(msg.text)
+	if not input then
+		input = 6
+	else
+		input = string.upper(input)
+	end
+
+	if tonumber(input) then
+		range = tonumber(input)
+		rolls = 1
+	elseif string.find(input, 'D') then
+		local dloc = string.find(input, 'D')
+		if dloc == 1 then
+			rolls = 1
+		else
+			rolls = string.sub(input, 1, dloc-1)
+		end
+		range = string.sub(input, dloc+1)
+		if not tonumber(rolls) or not tonumber(range) then
+			return send_msg(msg, 'Invalid syntax.')
+		end
+	else
+		return send_msg(msg, 'Invalid syntax.')
+	end
+
+	if tonumber(rolls) == 1 then
+		results = 'Random (1-' .. range .. '):\t'
+	elseif tonumber(rolls) > 1 then
+		results = rolls .. 'D' .. range .. ':\n'
+	else
+		return send_msg(msg, 'Invalid syntax.')
+	end
+
+	if tonumber(range) < 2 then
+		return send_msg(msg, 'Invalid syntax.')
+	end
+
+	if tonumber(rolls) > 100 then
+		return send_msg(msg, 'Maximum dice is 100.')
+	end
+
+	if tonumber(range) > 100000 then
+		return send_msg(msg, 'Maximum range is 100000.')
+	end
+
+	for i = 1, tonumber(rolls) do
+		results = results .. math.random(range) .. '\t'
+	end
+
+	send_msg(msg, results)
+
+end
+
+return PLUGIN
+

plugins/dogify.lua

@@ -0,0 +1,28 @@
+local PLUGIN = {}
+
+PLUGIN.doc = [[
+	!dogify <lines/separatedby/slashes>
+	Produces a doge image from dogr.io. Newlines are indicated by a forward slash. Words do not need to be spaced, but spacing is supported. Will post a previewed link rather than an image.
+]]
+
+PLUGIN.triggers = {
+	'^!doge ',
+	'^!dogify '
+}
+
+function PLUGIN.action(msg)
+
+	local input = get_input(msg.text)
+	if not input then
+		return send_msg(msg, PLUGIN.doc)
+	end
+
+	local input = string.gsub(input, ' ', '')
+
+	url = 'http://dogr.io/' .. input .. '.png'
+
+	send_message(msg.chat.id, url, false, msg.message_id)
+
+end
+
+return PLUGIN

plugins/echo.lua

@@ -0,0 +1,23 @@
+local PLUGIN = {}
+
+PLUGIN.doc = [[
+	!echo <text>
+	Repeat a string.
+]]
+
+PLUGIN.triggers = {
+	'^!echo'
+}
+
+function PLUGIN.action(msg)
+
+	local input = get_input(msg.text)
+	if not input then
+		return send_msg(msg, PLUGIN.doc)
+	end
+
+	send_msg(msg, latcyr(input))
+
+end
+
+return PLUGIN

plugins/fortune.lua

@@ -0,0 +1,22 @@
+local PLUGIN = {}
+
+PLUGIN.doc = [[
+	!fortune
+	Get a random fortune from the UNIX fortune program.
+]]
+
+PLUGIN.triggers = {
+	'^!fortune',
+	'^!f$'
+}
+
+function PLUGIN.action(msg)
+	local output = io.popen('fortune')
+	message = ''
+	for l in output:lines() do
+		message = message .. l .. '\n'
+	end
+	send_msg(msg, message)
+end
+
+return PLUGIN

plugins/gImages.lua

@@ -0,0 +1,67 @@
+local PLUGIN = {}
+
+PLUGIN.doc = [[
+	!images <query>
+	This command performs a Google Images search for the given query. One random top result is returned. Safe search is enabled by default; use '!insfw' to get potentially NSFW results.
+]]
+
+PLUGIN.triggers = {
+	'^!images?',
+	'^!img',
+	'^!i ',
+	'^!insfw'
+}
+
+PLUGIN.exts = {
+	'.png$',
+	'.jpg$',
+	'.jpeg$',
+	'.jpe$',
+	'.gif$'
+}
+
+function PLUGIN.action(msg)
+
+	local url = 'http://ajax.googleapis.com/ajax/services/search/images?v=1.0&rsz=8'
+
+	if not string.match(msg.text, '^!insfw ') then
+		url = url .. '&safe=active'
+	end
+
+	local input = get_input(msg.text)
+	if not input then
+		return send_msg(msg, PLUGIN.doc)
+	end
+
+	url = url .. '&q=' .. URL.escape(input)
+
+	local jstr, res = HTTP.request(url)
+
+	if res ~= 200 then
+		send_msg(target, 'Connection error.', ok_cb, false)
+		return
+	end
+
+	local jdat = JSON.decode(jstr)
+
+	if #jdat.responseData.results < 1 then
+		send_msg(target, 'No results found.', ok_cb, false)
+		return
+	end
+
+	is_real = false
+	while is_real == false do
+		local i = math.random(#jdat.responseData.results)
+		result_url = jdat.responseData.results[i].url
+		for i,v in pairs(PLUGIN.exts) do
+			if string.match(string.lower(result_url), v) then
+				is_real = true
+			end
+		end
+	end
+
+	send_message(msg.chat.id, result_url, false, msg.message_id)
+
+end
+
+return PLUGIN

plugins/gMaps.lua

@@ -0,0 +1,40 @@
+local PLUGIN = {}
+
+PLUGIN.doc = [[
+	!loc <location>
+	Sends location data for query, taken from Google Maps. Works for countries, cities, landmarks, etc.
+]]
+
+PLUGIN.triggers = {
+	'^!loc'
+}
+
+function PLUGIN.action(msg)
+
+	local input = get_input(msg.text)
+	if not input then
+		return send_msg(msg, PLUGIN.doc)
+	end
+
+	local url = 'http://maps.googleapis.com/maps/api/geocode/json?address=' .. URL.escape(input)
+	local jstr, res = HTTP.request(url)
+
+	if res ~= 200 then
+		return send_msg(msg, 'Connection error.')
+	end
+
+	local jdat = JSON.decode(jstr)
+
+	if jdat.status ~= 'OK' then
+		local message = 'Error: \"' .. input .. '\" not found.'
+		return send_msg(msg, message)
+	end
+
+	local lat = jdat.results[1].geometry.location.lat
+	local lng = jdat.results[1].geometry.location.lng
+	send_location(msg.chat.id, lat, lng, msg.message_id)
+
+end
+
+return PLUGIN
+

plugins/gSearch.lua

@@ -0,0 +1,57 @@
+local PLUGIN = {}
+
+PLUGIN.doc = [[
+	!google <query>
+	This command performs a Google search for the given query. Four results are returned. Safe search is enabled by default; use '!gnsfw' to get potentially NSFW results. Four results are returned for a group chat, or eight in a private message.
+]]
+
+PLUGIN.triggers = {
+	'^!g ',
+	'^!google',
+	'^!gnsfw'
+}
+
+function PLUGIN.action(msg)
+
+	local url = 'http://ajax.googleapis.com/ajax/services/search/web?v=1.0'
+
+	if not string.match(msg.text, '^!gnsfw ') then
+		url = url .. '&safe=active'
+	end
+
+	if not msg.chat.title then
+		url = url .. '&rsz=8'
+	end
+
+	local input = get_input(msg.text)
+	if not input then
+		return send_msg(msg, PLUGIN.doc)
+	end
+
+	url = url .. '&q=' .. URL.escape(input)
+
+	local jstr, res = HTTP.request(url)
+
+	if res ~= 200 then
+		return send_msg(msg, 'Connection error.')
+	end
+
+	local jdat = JSON.decode(jstr)
+
+	if #jdat.responseData.results < 1 then
+		return send_msg(msg, 'No results found.')
+	end
+
+	message = ''
+
+	for i = 1, #jdat.responseData.results do
+		local result_url = jdat.responseData.results[i].unescapedUrl
+		local result_title = jdat.responseData.results[i].titleNoFormatting
+		message = message  .. ' - ' .. result_title ..'\n'.. result_url .. '\n'
+	end
+
+	send_msg(msg, message)
+
+end
+
+return PLUGIN

plugins/giphy.lua

@@ -0,0 +1,53 @@
+local PLUGIN = {}
+
+PLUGIN.doc = [[
+	!giphy [query]
+	Returns a random or search-resulted GIF from giphy.com. Results are limited to PG-13 by default; use '!gifnsfw' to get potentially NSFW results.
+]]
+
+PLUGIN.triggers = {
+	'^!giphy',
+	'^!gifnsfw'
+}
+
+function PLUGIN.action(msg)
+
+	local search_url = 'http://api.giphy.com/v1/gifs/search?limit=10&api_key=' .. config.GIPHY_API_KEY
+	local random_url = 'http://tv.giphy.com/v1/gifs/random?api_key=' .. config.GIPHY_API_KEY
+	local result_url = ''
+
+	if string.match(msg.text, '^!giphynsfw') then
+		search_url = search_url .. '&rating=r&q='
+		random_url = random_url .. '&rating=r'
+	else
+		search_url = search_url .. '&rating=pg-13&q='
+		random_url = random_url .. '&rating=pg-13'
+	end
+
+	local input = get_input(msg.text)
+
+	if not input then
+
+		local jstr, res = HTTP.request(random_url)
+		if res ~= 200 then
+			return send_msg(msg, 'Connection error.')
+		end
+		local jdat = JSON.decode(jstr)
+		result_url = jdat.data.image_url
+
+	else
+
+		local jstr, res = HTTP.request(search_url .. input)
+		if res ~= 200 then
+			return send_msg(msg, 'Connection error.')
+		end
+		local jdat = JSON.decode(jstr)
+		result_url = jdat.data[math.random(#jdat.data)].images.original.url
+
+	end
+
+	send_message(msg.chat.id, result_url, false, msg.message_id)
+
+end
+
+return PLUGIN

plugins/hackernews.lua

@@ -0,0 +1,35 @@
+local PLUGIN = {}
+
+PLUGIN.doc = [[
+	!hackernews
+	Returns some top stories from Hacker News. Four in a group or eight in a private message.
+]]
+
+PLUGIN.triggers = {
+	'^!hackernews',
+	'^!hn$'
+}
+
+function PLUGIN.action(msg)
+
+	local message = ''
+	local jstr = HTTPS.request('https://hacker-news.firebaseio.com/v0/topstories.json')
+	local stories = JSON.decode(jstr)
+
+	local limit = 4
+	if msg.chat.id == msg.from.id then
+		limit = 8
+	end
+
+	for i = 1, limit do
+		url = 'https://hacker-news.firebaseio.com/v0/item/'..stories[i]..'.json'
+		jstr = HTTPS.request(url)
+		jdat = JSON.decode(jstr)
+		message = message .. jdat.title .. '\n' .. jdat.url .. '\n'
+	end
+
+	send_msg(msg, message)
+
+end
+
+return PLUGIN

plugins/help.lua

@@ -0,0 +1,38 @@
+local PLUGIN = {}
+
+PLUGIN.doc = [[
+	!help [command]
+	Get list of basic information for all commands, or more detailed documentation on a specified command.
+]]
+
+PLUGIN.triggers = {
+	'^!help',
+	'^!h$'
+}
+
+function PLUGIN.action(msg)
+
+	local input = get_input(msg.text)
+
+	if input then
+		for i,v in ipairs(plugins) do
+			if v.doc then
+				if '!' .. input == trim_string(first_word(v.doc)) then
+					return send_msg(msg, v.doc)
+				end
+			end
+		end
+	end
+
+	if msg.from.id ~= msg.chat.id then
+		if not send_message(msg.from.id, help_message, true, msg.message_id) then
+			return send_msg(msg, help_message) -- Unable to PM user who hasn't PM'd first.
+		end
+		return send_msg(msg, 'I have sent you the requested information in a private message.')
+	else
+		return send_msg(msg, help_message)
+	end
+
+end
+
+return PLUGIN

plugins/hex.lua

@@ -0,0 +1,29 @@
+local PLUGIN = {}
+
+PLUGIN.doc = [[
+	!hex <number>
+	This function converts a number to or from hexadecimal.
+]]
+
+PLUGIN.triggers = {
+	'^!hex '
+}
+
+function PLUGIN.action(msg)
+
+	local input = get_input(msg.text)
+
+	if string.sub(input, 1, 2) == '0x' then
+		send_msg(msg, tonumber(input))
+
+	elseif tonumber(input) then
+		send_msg(msg, string.format('%x', input))
+
+	else
+		send_msg(msg, 'Invalid number.')
+
+	end
+
+end
+
+return PLUGIN

plugins/imdb.lua

@@ -0,0 +1,40 @@
+local PLUGIN = {}
+
+PLUGIN.doc = [[
+	!imdb <movie | TV series>
+	This function retrieves the IMDb info for a given film or television series, including the year, genre, imdb rating, runtime, and a summation of the plot.
+]]
+
+PLUGIN.triggers = {
+	'^!imdb'
+}
+
+function PLUGIN.action(msg)
+
+	local input = get_input(msg.text)
+	if not input then
+		return send_msg(msg, PLUGIN.doc)
+	end
+
+	local url = 'http://www.imdbapi.com/?t=' .. URL.escape(input)
+	local jstr, res = HTTP.request(url)
+	local jdat = JSON.decode(jstr)
+
+	if res ~= 200 then
+		return send_msg(msg, 'Error connecting to server.')
+	end
+
+	if jdat.Response ~= 'True' then
+		return send_msg(msg, jdat.Error)
+	end
+
+	local message = jdat.Title ..' ('.. jdat.Year ..')\n'
+	message = message .. jdat.imdbRating ..' | '.. jdat.Runtime ..' | '.. jdat.Genre ..'\n'
+	message = message .. jdat.Plot .. '\n'
+	message = message .. 'http://imdb.com/title/' .. jdat.imdbID
+
+	send_msg(msg, message)
+
+end
+
+return PLUGIN

plugins/personality.lua

@@ -0,0 +1,38 @@
+local PLUGIN = {}
+
+PLUGIN.triggers = {
+	'otouto%p?$',
+	'^tadaima%p?$',
+	'^i\'m home%p?$',
+	'^i\'m back%p?$'
+}
+
+function PLUGIN.action(msg) -- I WISH LUA HAD PROPER REGEX SUPPORT
+
+	local input = string.lower(msg.text)
+
+	for i = 2, #PLUGIN.triggers do
+		if string.match(input, PLUGIN.triggers[i]) then
+			return send_message(msg.chat.id, 'Welcome back, ' .. msg.from.first_name .. '!')
+		end
+	end
+
+	if input:match('thanks,? otouto') or input:match('thank you,? otouto') then
+		return send_message(msg.chat.id, 'No problem, ' .. msg.from.first_name .. '!')
+	end
+
+	if input:match('hello,? otouto') or input:match('hey,? otouto') or input:match('hi,? otouto') then
+		return send_message(msg.chat.id, 'Hi, ' .. msg.from.first_name .. '!')
+	end
+
+	if input:match('i hate you,? otouto') or input:match('screw you,? otouto') or input:match('fuck you,? otouto') then
+		return send_msg(msg, '; _ ;')
+	end
+
+	if string.match(input, 'i love you,? otouto') then
+		return send_msg(msg, '<3')
+	end
+
+end
+
+return PLUGIN

plugins/pokedex.lua

@@ -0,0 +1,57 @@
+local PLUGIN = {}
+
+PLUGIN.doc = [[
+	!dex <pokemon>
+	Get Pokedex information for a given Pokemon.
+	Includes national ID number, type, height, weight, and a description from a random regional dex.
+]]
+
+PLUGIN.triggers = {
+	'^!dex'
+}
+
+function PLUGIN.action(msg)
+
+	local input = get_input(msg.text)
+	if not input then
+		return send_msg(msg, PLUGIN.doc)
+	end
+
+	local base_url = 'http://pokeapi.co'
+	local poke_type = nil
+
+	local dex_url = base_url .. '/api/v1/pokemon/' .. input
+	local dex_jstr, res = HTTP.request(dex_url)
+	if res ~= 200 then
+		return send_msg(msg, 'Pokemon not found..')
+	end
+
+	local dex_jdat = JSON.decode(dex_jstr)
+
+	local desc_url = base_url .. dex_jdat.descriptions[math.random(#dex_jdat.descriptions)].resource_uri
+	local desc_jstr, res = HTTP.request(desc_url)
+	if res ~= 200 then
+		return send_msg(msg, 'Connection error.')
+	end
+
+	local desc_jdat = JSON.decode(desc_jstr)
+
+	for k,v in pairs(dex_jdat.types) do
+		local type_name = v.name:gsub("^%l", string.upper)
+		if not poke_type then
+			poke_type = type_name
+		else
+			poke_type = poke_type .. ' / ' .. type_name
+		end
+	end
+	poke_type = poke_type .. ' type'
+
+	local info_line = 'Height: ' .. dex_jdat.height/10 .. 'm, Weight: ' .. dex_jdat.weight/10 .. 'kg'
+
+	local m = dex_jdat.name ..' #'.. dex_jdat.national_id ..'\n'.. poke_type ..'\n'.. info_line ..'\n'.. desc_jdat.description:gsub('POKMON', 'POKeMON')
+
+	send_msg(msg, m)
+
+end
+
+return PLUGIN

plugins/pun.lua

@@ -0,0 +1,142 @@
+local PLUGIN = {}
+
+PLUGIN.doc = [[
+	!pun
+	Get a random pun.
+	Have a recommendation? PM @topkecleon.
+]]
+
+PLUGIN.triggers = {
+	'^!pun'
+}
+
+PLUGIN.puns = {
+	"The person who invented the door-knock won the No-bell prize.",
+	"I couldn't work out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.",
+	"Never trust atoms; they make up everything.",
+	"Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth - Then it becomes a soap opera.",
+	"I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.",
+	"To the guy who invented zero: Thanks for nothing!",
+	"Enough with the cripple jokes! I just can't stand them.",
+	"I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.",
+	"How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.",
+	"Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.",
+	"When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.",
+	"There was a sign on the lawn at a rehab center that said 'Keep off the Grass'.",
+	"I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.",
+	"I can hear music coming out of my printer. I think the paper's jamming again.",
+	"I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work",
+	"Want to hear a construction joke? I'm working on it",
+	"I always take a second pair of pants when I go golfing, in case I get a hole in one.",
+	"I couldn't remember how to throw a boomerang, but then it came back to me.",
+	"I've decided that my wifi will be my valentine. IDK, we just have this connection.",
+	"A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.",
+	"I used to go fishing with Skrillex, but he kept dropping the bass.",
+	"Two antennae met on a roof and got married. The wedding was okay, but the reception was incredible.",
+	"A book just fell on my head. I've only got my shelf to blame.",
+	"I dropped my steak on the floor. Now it's ground beef.",
+	"I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.",
+	"The outcome of war does not prove who is right, but only who is left.",
+	"Darth Vader tries not to burn his food, but it always comes out a little on the dark side.",
+	"The store keeps calling me to buy more furniture, but all I wanted was a one night stand.",
+	"This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.",
+	"Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off...",
+	"No more Harry Potter jokes guys. I'm Sirius.",
+	"It was hard getting over my addiction to hokey pokey, but I've turned myself around.",
+	"It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.",
+	"Why did everyone want to hang out with the mushroom? Because he was a fungi.",
+	"How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.",
+	"I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.",
+	"When life gives you melons, you’re probably dyslexic.",
+	"What's with all the blind jokes? I just don't see the point.",
+	"If Apple made a car, would it have Windows?",
+	"Need an ark? I Noah guy.",
+	"The scarecrow won an award because he was outstanding in his field.",
+	"What's the difference between a man in a tux on a bicycle, and a man in a sweatsuit on a trycicle? A tire.",
+	"What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can't helium, and you can't curium, you'll just have to barium.",
+	"I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.",
+	"Trying to write with a broken pencil is pointless.",
+	"When TVs go on vacation, they travel to remote islands.",
+	"I was going to tell a midget joke, but it's too short.",
+	"Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.",
+	"How do you organize a space party? You planet.",
+	"Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.",
+	"I'm glad I know sign language; it's pretty handy.",
+	"Atheism is a non-prophet organization.",
+	"Velcro: What a rip-off!",
+	"If they made a Minecraft movie, it would be a blockbuster.",
+	"I don't trust people with graph paper. They're always plotting something",
+	"I had a friend who was addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop anytime.",
+	"The form said I had Type A blood, but it was a Type O.",
+	"I went to to the shop to buy eight Sprites -  I came home and realised I'd picked 7Up.",
+	"There was an explosion at a pie factory. 3.14 people died.",
+	"A man drove his car into a tree and found out how a Mercedes bends.",
+	"The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.",
+	"I didn't like my beard at first, but then it grew on me.",
+	"Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.",
+	"What's the definition of a will? It's a dead giveaway.",
+	"I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.",
+	"I hate elevators, and I often take steps to avoid them.",
+	"Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.",
+	"It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.",
+	"I used to be a loan shark, but I lost interest",
+	"I don't trust these stairs; they're always up to something.",
+	"My friend's bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.",
+	"Don't trust people that do acupuncture; they're back stabbers.",
+	"The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.",
+	"Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.",
+	"When Peter Pan punches, they Neverland",
+	"The shoemaker did not deny his apprentice anything he needed. He gave him his awl.",
+	"I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.",
+	"Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.",
+	"Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.",
+	"There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.",
+	"A new type of broom came out and it is sweeping the nation.",
+	"I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.",
+	"I knew a woman who owned a taser. Man, was she stunning!",
+	"What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.",
+	"It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.",
+	"When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.",
+	"The dead batteries were given out free of charge.",
+	"Why are there no knock-knock jokes about America? Because freedom rings.",
+	"When the cannibal showed up late to dinner, they gave him the cold shoulder.",
+	"I should have been sad when my flashlight died, but I was delighted.",
+	"Why don't tennis players ever get marries? Love means nothing to them.",
+	"Pterodactyls can't be heard going to the bathroom because the P is silent.",
+	"Mermaids make calls on their shell phones.",
+	"What do you call an aardvark with three feet? A yaardvark.",
+	"Captain Kirk has three ears: A right ear, a left ear, and a final front ear.",
+	"How do celebrities stay cool? They have a lot of fans.",
+	"Without geometry, life is pointless.",
+	"Did you hear about the cow who tried to jump over a barbed-wire fence? It ended in udder destruction.",
+	"The truth may ring like a bell, but it is seldom ever tolled.",
+	"I used to work for the IRS, but my job was too taxing.",
+	"I used to be a programmer, but then I lost my drive.",
+	"Pediatricians are doctors with little patients.",
+	"I finally fired my masseuse today. She always rubbed me the wrong way.",
+	"I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.",
+	"What's the difference between a man and his dog? The man wears a suit; the dog just pants.",
+	"A psychic midget who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.",
+	"I've been to the dentist several times, so I know the drill.",
+	"The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.",
+	"She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.",
+	"Male deer have buck teeth.",
+	"Whiteboards are remarkable.",
+	"Visitors in Cuba are always Havana good time.",
+	"Why does electricity shock people? It doesn't know how to conduct itself.",
+	"Lancelot had a scary dream about his horse. It was a knight mare.",
+	"A tribe of cannibals caught a missionary and ate him. Afterward, they all had violent food poisoning. This just goes to show that you can't keep a good man down.",
+	"Heaven for gamblers is a paradise.",
+	"Old wheels aren't thrown away, they're just retired.",
+	"Horses are very stable animals.",
+	"Banks don't crash, they just lose their balance.",
+	"The career of a skier can go downhill very fast.",
+	"In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes."
+}
+
+function PLUGIN.action(msg)
+	math.randomseed(os.time())
+	send_msg(msg, PLUGIN.puns[math.random(#PLUGIN.puns)])
+end
+
+return PLUGIN

plugins/reddit.lua

@@ -0,0 +1,84 @@
+local PLUGIN = {}
+
+PLUGIN.doc = [[
+	!reddit [r/subreddit | query]
+	This command returns top results for a given query or subreddit. NSFW posts are marked as such.
+]]
+
+PLUGIN.triggers = {
+	'^!reddit',
+	'^!r$',
+	'^!r '
+}
+
+function PLUGIN.action(msg)
+
+	local input = get_input(msg.text)
+	local jdat = {}
+	local message = ''
+
+	if input then
+
+		if string.match(input, '^r/') then
+
+			local url = 'http://www.reddit.com/' .. first_word(input) .. '/.json'
+			local jstr, res = HTTP.request(url)
+			if res ~= 200 then
+				return send_msg(msg, 'Connection error.')
+			end
+			jdat = JSON.decode(jstr)
+			if #jdat.data.children == 0 then
+				return send_msg(msg, 'Subreddit not found.')
+			end
+
+		else
+
+			local url = 'http://www.reddit.com/search.json?q=' .. URL.escape(input)
+			local jstr, res = HTTP.request(url)
+			if res ~= 200 then
+				return send_msg(msg, 'Connection error.')
+			end
+			jdat = JSON.decode(jstr)
+			if #jdat.data.children == 0 then
+				return send_msg(msg, 'No results found.')
+			end
+
+		end
+
+	else
+
+		url = 'https://www.reddit.com/.json'
+		local jstr, res = HTTP.request(url)
+		if res ~= 200 then
+			return send_msg(msg, 'Connection error.')
+		end
+		jdat = JSON.decode(jstr)
+
+	end
+
+	local limit = 4
+	if #jdat.data.children < limit then
+		limit = #jdat.data.children
+	end
+
+	for i = 1, limit do
+
+		if jdat.data.children[i].data.over_18 then
+			message = message .. '[NSFW] '
+		end
+
+		url = '\n'
+		if not jdat.data.children[i].data.is_self then
+			url = '\n' .. jdat.data.children[i].data.url .. '\n'
+		end
+
+		local short_url = '[redd.it/' .. jdat.data.children[i].data.id .. '] '
+		message = message .. short_url .. jdat.data.children[i].data.title .. url
+
+	end
+
+	send_msg(msg, message)
+
+end
+
+return PLUGIN

plugins/remind.lua

@@ -0,0 +1,55 @@
+local PLUGIN = {}
+
+PLUGIN.doc = [[
+	!remind <delay> <message>
+	Set a reminder for yourself. First argument is the number of minutes until you wish to be reminded.
+]]
+
+PLUGIN.triggers = {
+	'^!remind$',
+	'^!remind '
+}
+
+function PLUGIN.action(msg)
+
+	local input = get_input(msg.text)
+	if not input then
+		return send_msg(msg, PLUGIN.doc)
+	end
+
+	local delay = first_word(input)
+	if not tonumber(delay) then
+		return send_msg(msg, 'The delay must be a number.')
+	end
+
+	if string.len(msg.text) <= string.len(delay) + 9 then
+		return send_msg(msg, 'Please include a reminder.')
+	end
+	local text = string.sub(msg.text, string.len(delay)+10) -- this is gross
+	if msg.from.username then
+		text = text .. '\n@' .. msg.from.username
+	end
+
+	local delay = tonumber(delay)
+
+	local reminder = {
+		alarm = os.time() + (delay * 60),
+		chat_id = msg.chat.id,
+		text = text
+	}
+
+	table.insert(reminders, reminder)
+
+	if delay <= 1 then
+		delay = (delay * 60) .. ' seconds'
+	else
+		delay = delay .. ' minutes'
+	end
+
+	local message = 'Your reminder has been set for ' .. delay .. ' from now:\n' .. text
+
+	send_msg(msg, message)
+
+end
+
+return PLUGIN

plugins/shrug.lua

@@ -0,0 +1,12 @@
+local PLUGIN = {}
+
+PLUGIN.triggers = {
+	'^!shrug',
+	'/shrug'
+}
+
+function PLUGIN.action(msg)
+	send_msg(msg, '¯\\_(ツ)_/¯')
+end
+
+return PLUGIN

plugins/slap.lua

@@ -0,0 +1,116 @@
+local PLUGIN = {}
+
+PLUGIN.doc = [[
+	!slap [victim]
+	Slap someone!
+]]
+
+PLUGIN.triggers = {
+	'^!slap'
+}
+
+function PLUGIN.getSlap(slapper, victim)
+	slaps = {
+		victim .. " was shot by " .. slapper .. ".",
+		victim .. " was pricked to death.",
+		victim .. " walked into a cactus while trying to escape " .. slapper .. ".",
+		victim .. " drowned.",
+		victim .. " drowned whilst trying to escape " .. slapper .. ".",
+		victim .. " blew up.",
+		victim .. " was blown up by " .. slapper .. ".",
+		victim .. " hit the ground too hard.",
+		victim .. " fell from a high place.",
+		victim .. " fell off a ladder.",
+		victim .. " fell into a patch of cacti.",
+		victim .. " was doomed to fall by " .. slapper .. ".",
+		victim .. " was blown from a high place by " .. slapper .. ".",
+		victim .. " was squashed by a falling anvil.",
+		victim .. " went up in flames.",
+		victim .. " burned to death.",
+		victim .. " was burnt to a crisp whilst fighting " .. slapper .. ".",
+		victim .. " walked into a fire whilst fighting " .. slapper .. ".",
+		victim .. " tried to swim in lava.",
+		victim .. " tried to swim in lava while trying to escape " .. slapper .. ".",
+		victim .. " was struck by lightning.",
+		victim .. " was slain by " .. slapper .. ".",
+		victim .. " got finished off by " .. slapper .. ".",
+		victim .. " was killed by magic.",
+		victim .. " was killed by " .. slapper .. " using magic.",
+		victim .. " starved to death.",
+		victim .. " suffocated in a wall.",
+		victim .. " fell out of the world.",
+		victim .. " was knocked into the void by " .. slapper .. ".",
+		victim .. " withered away.",
+		victim .. " was pummeled by " .. slapper .. ".",
+		victim .. " was fragged by " .. slapper .. ".",
+		victim .. " was desynchronized.",
+		victim .. " was wasted.",
+		victim .. " was busted by " .. slapper .. ".",
+		victim .. "'s bones are scraped clean by the desolate wind.",
+		victim .. " has died of dysentery.",
+		victim .. " fainted.",
+		victim .. " is out of usable Pokemon! " .. victim .. " whited out!",
+		victim .. " is out of usable Pokemon! " .. victim .. " blacked out!",
+		victim .. " whited out!",
+		victim .. " blacked out!",
+		victim .. " says goodbye to this cruel world.",
+		victim .. " got rekt.",
+		victim .. " was sawn in half by " .. slapper .. ".",
+		victim .. " died. I blame " .. slapper .. ".",
+		victim .. " was axe-murdered by " .. slapper .. ".",
+		victim .. "'s melon was split by " .. slapper .. ".",
+		victim .. " was slice and diced by " .. slapper .. ".",
+		victim .. " was split from crotch to sternum by " .. slapper .. ".",
+		victim .. "'s death put another notch in " .. slapper .. "'s axe.",
+		victim .. " died impossibly!",
+		victim .. " died from " .. slapper .. "'s mysterious tropical disease.",
+		victim .. " escaped infection by dying.",
+		victim .. " played hot-potato with a grenade.",
+		victim .. " was knifed by " .. slapper .. ".",
+		victim .. " fell on his sword.",
+		victim .. " ate a grenade.",
+		victim .. " practiced being " .. slapper .. "'s clay pigeon.",
+		victim .. " is what's for dinner!",
+		victim .. " was terminated by " .. slapper .. ".",
+		victim .. " was shot before being thrown out of a plane.",
+		victim .. " was not invincible.",
+		victim .. " has encountered an error.",
+		victim .. " died and reincarnated as a goat.",
+		slapper .. " threw " .. victim .. " off a building.",
+		victim .. " is sleeping with the fishes.",
+		victim .. " got a premature burial.",
+		slapper .. " replaced all of " .. victim .. "'s music with Nickelback.",
+		slapper .. " spammed " .. victim .. "'s email.",
+		slapper .. " made " .. victim .. " a knuckle sandwich.",
+		slapper .. " slapped " .. victim .. " with pure nothing.",
+		slapper .. " hit " .. victim .. " with a small, interstellar spaceship.",
+		victim .. " was quickscoped by " .. slapper .. ".",
+		slapper .. " put " .. victim .. " in check-mate.",
+		slapper .. " encrypted " .. victim .. " and deleted the private key.",
+		slapper .. " put " .. victim .. " in the friendzone.",
+		slapper .. " slaps " .. victim .. " with a DMCA takedown request!",
+		victim .. " became a corpse blanket for " .. slapper .. ".",
+		"Death is when the monsters get you. Death comes for " .. victim .. ".",
+		"Cowards die many times before their death. " .. victim .. " never tasted death but once."
+	}
+	return slaps[math.random(#slaps)]
+end
+
+function PLUGIN.action(msg)
+
+	math.randomseed(os.time())
+
+	local victim = get_input(msg.text)
+	if victim then
+		slapper = msg.from.first_name
+	else
+		victim = msg.from.first_name
+		slapper = 'otouto'
+	end
+
+	local message = PLUGIN.getSlap(slapper, victim)
+	send_message(target, message)
+
+end
+
+return PLUGIN

plugins/time.lua

@@ -0,0 +1,41 @@
+local PLUGIN = {}
+
+PLUGIN.doc = [[
+	!time <location>
+	Sends the time and timezone for a given location.
+]]
+
+PLUGIN.triggers = {
+	'^!time'
+}
+
+function PLUGIN.action(msg)
+
+	local input = get_input(msg.text)
+	if not input then
+		return send_msg(msg, PLUGIN.doc)
+	end
+
+	coords = get_coords(input)
+	if not coords then
+		local message = 'Error: \"' .. input .. '\" not found.'
+		return send_msg(msg, message)
+	end
+
+	local url = 'http://maps.googleapis.com/maps/api/timezone/json?location=' .. coords.lat ..','.. coords.lon .. '&timestamp='..os.time()
+	local jstr, res = HTTPS.request(url)
+	if res ~= 200 then
+		return send_msg(msg, 'Connection error.')
+	end
+	local jdat = JSON.decode(jstr)
+
+	local timestamp = os.time() + jdat.rawOffset + jdat.dstOffset + config.TIME_OFFSET
+	timestamp = os.date("%H:%M on %A, %B %d.", timestamp)
+	local timeloc = (string.gsub((string.sub(jdat.timeZoneId, string.find(jdat.timeZoneId, '/')+1)), '_', ' '))
+	local message = "The time in " .. timeloc .. " is " .. timestamp
+
+	send_msg(msg, message)
+
+end
+
+return PLUGIN

plugins/urbandictionary.lua

@@ -0,0 +1,42 @@
+local PLUGIN = {}
+
+PLUGIN.doc = [[
+	!ud <term>
+	Returns the first definition for a given term from Urban Dictionary.
+]]
+
+PLUGIN.triggers = {
+	'^!ud',
+	'^!urbandictionary'
+}
+
+function PLUGIN.action(msg)
+
+	local input = get_input(msg.text)
+	if not input then
+		return send_msg(msg, PLUGIN.doc)
+	end
+
+	local url = 'http://api.urbandictionary.com/v0/define?term=' .. URL.escape(input)
+	local jstr, res = HTTP.request(url)
+
+	if res ~= 200 then
+		return send_msg(msg, 'Connection error.')
+	end
+
+	local jdat = JSON.decode(jstr)
+
+	if jdat.result_type == "no_results" then
+		return send_msg(msg, 'No results found.')
+	end
+
+	message = '"' .. jdat.list[1].word .. '"\n' .. trim_string(jdat.list[1].definition)
+	if string.len(jdat.list[1].example) > 0 then
+		message = message .. '\n\nExample:\n' .. trim_string(jdat.list[1].example)
+	end
+
+	send_msg(msg, message)
+
+end
+
+return PLUGIN

plugins/weather.lua

@@ -0,0 +1,41 @@
+local PLUGIN = {}
+
+PLUGIN.doc = [[
+	!weather <location>
+	Returns the current temperature and weather conditions for a specified location.
+	Non-city locations are accepted; "!weather Buckingham Palace" will return the weather for Westminster.
+]]
+
+PLUGIN.triggers = {
+	'^!weather'
+}
+
+function PLUGIN.action(msg)
+
+	local input = get_input(msg.text)
+	if not input then
+		return send_msg(msg, PLUGIN.doc)
+	end
+
+	coords = get_coords(input)
+	if not coords then
+		local message = 'Error: \"' .. input .. '\" not found.'
+		return send_msg(msg, message)
+	end
+
+	local url = 'http://api.openweathermap.org/data/2.5/weather?lat=' .. coords.lat .. '&lon=' .. coords.lon
+	local jstr, res = HTTP.request(url)
+	if res ~= 200 then
+		return send_msg(msg, 'Connection error.')
+	end
+	local jdat = JSON.decode(jstr)
+
+	local celsius = jdat.main.temp - 273.15
+	local fahrenheit = tonumber(string.format("%.2f", celsius * (9/5) + 32))
+	local message = jdat.name .. ': ' .. celsius .. '°C / ' .. fahrenheit .. '°F, ' .. jdat.weather[1].description .. '.'
+
+	send_msg(msg, message)
+
+end
+
+return PLUGIN

plugins/whoami.lua

@@ -0,0 +1,37 @@
+local PLUGIN = {}
+
+PLUGIN.doc = [[
+	!whoami
+	Get the user ID for yourself and the group.
+]]
+
+PLUGIN.triggers = {
+	'^!whoami',
+	'^!ping',
+	'^/ping'
+}
+
+function PLUGIN.action(msg)
+
+	local from_name = msg.from.first_name
+	if msg.from.last_name then
+		from_name = from_name .. ' ' .. msg.from.last_name
+	end
+	if msg.from.username then
+		from_name = '@' .. msg.from.username .. ', AKA ' .. from_name
+	end
+	from_name = from_name .. ' (' .. msg.from.id .. ')'
+	
+	if msg.from.id == msg.chat.id then
+		to_name = '@' .. bot.username .. ' (' .. bot.id .. ')'
+	else
+		to_name = string.gsub(msg.chat.title, '_', ' ') .. ' (' .. string.gsub(msg.chat.id, '-', '') .. ')'
+	end
+	
+	local message = 'You are ' .. from_name .. ' and you are messaging ' .. to_name .. '.'
+	
+	send_msg(msg, message)
+
+end
+
+return PLUGIN

plugins/xkcd.lua

@@ -0,0 +1,47 @@
+local PLUGIN = {}
+
+PLUGIN.doc = [[
+	!xkcd [search]
+	This command returns an xkcd strip, its number, and its "secret" text. You may search for a specific strip or get a random one.
+]]
+
+PLUGIN.triggers = {
+	'^!xkcd'
+}
+
+function PLUGIN.action(msg)
+
+	local input = get_input(msg.text)
+	local url = 'http://xkcd.com/info.0.json'
+	local jstr, res = HTTP.request(url)
+	if res ~= 200 then
+		return send_msg(msg, 'Connection error.')
+	end
+	local latest = JSON.decode(jstr).num
+
+	if input then
+		url = 'http://ajax.googleapis.com/ajax/services/search/web?v=1.0&safe=active&q=site%3axkcd%2ecom%20' .. URL.escape(input)
+		local jstr, res = HTTP.request(url)
+		if res ~= 200 then
+			print('here')
+			return send_msg(msg, 'Connection error.')
+		end
+		url = JSON.decode(jstr).responseData.results[1].url .. 'info.0.json'
+	else
+		math.randomseed(os.time())
+		url = 'http://xkcd.com/' .. math.random(latest) .. '/info.0.json'
+	end
+
+	local jstr, res = HTTP.request(url)
+	if res ~= 200 then
+		return send_msg(msg, 'Connection error.')
+	end
+	local jdat = JSON.decode(jstr)
+
+	local message = '[' .. jdat.num .. '] ' .. jdat.alt .. '\n' .. jdat.img
+
+	send_message(msg.chat.id, message, false, msg.message_id)
+
+end
+
+return PLUGIN

utilities.lua

@@ -0,0 +1,84 @@
+-- utilities.lua
+-- Functions shared among plugins.
+
+function first_word(str, idx) -- get the indexed word in a string
+	str = string.gsub(str, '\n', ' ')
+	if not string.find(str, ' ') then return str end
+	str = str .. ' '
+	if not idx then idx = 1 end
+	if idx ~= 1 then
+		for i = 2, idx do
+			str = string.sub(str, string.find(str, ' ') + 1)
+		end
+	end
+	str = string.sub(str, 1, string.find(str, ' '))
+	return string.sub(str, 1, -2)
+end
+
+function get_input(text) -- returns string or false
+	if not string.find(text, ' ') then
+		return false
+	end
+	return string.sub(text, string.find(text, ' ')+1)
+end
+
+function trim_string(text) -- another alias
+	return string.gsub(text, "^%s*(.-)%s*$", "%1")
+end
+
+local lc_list = {
+-- Latin = 'Cyrillic'
+	['A'] = 'А',
+	['B'] = 'В',
+	['C'] = 'С',
+	['E'] = 'Е',
+	['I'] = 'І',
+	['J'] = 'Ј',
+	['K'] = 'К',
+	['M'] = 'М',
+	['H'] = 'Н',
+	['O'] = 'О',
+	['P'] = 'Р',
+	['S'] = 'Ѕ',
+	['T'] = 'Т',
+	['X'] = 'Х',
+	['Y'] = 'Ү',
+	['a'] = 'а',
+	['c'] = 'с',
+	['e'] = 'е',
+	['i'] = 'і',
+	['j'] = 'ј',
+	['o'] = 'о',
+	['s'] = 'ѕ',
+	['x'] = 'х',
+	['y'] = 'у',
+	['!'] = 'ǃ'
+}
+
+function latcyr(str)
+	for k,v in pairs(lc_list) do
+		str = string.gsub(str, k, v)
+	end
+	return str
+end
+
+function send_msg(msg, message)
+	send_message(msg.chat.id, message, true, msg.message_id)
+end
+
+function get_coords(input)
+
+	local url = 'http://maps.googleapis.com/maps/api/geocode/json?address=' .. URL.escape(input)
+	local jstr, res = HTTP.request(url)
+	if res ~= 200 then
+		return false
+	end
+
+	local jdat = JSON.decode(jstr)
+	if jdat.status == 'ZERO_RESULTS' then
+		return false
+	end
+
+	return { lat = jdat.results[1].geometry.location.lat, lon = jdat.results[1].geometry.location.lng }
+
+end